everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
false alarm. still invincible.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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