he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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