Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
