Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
