We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
so much tequila, so little girl.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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