my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
