Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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