I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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