Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
