Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
two words: eviction party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
