I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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