if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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