P.S. I can't hear my feet
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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