4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize