So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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