I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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