2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
