yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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