is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
