Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
