You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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