He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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