used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
