Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize