I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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