Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
