It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
