we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
