Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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