Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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