I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
