its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
false alarm. still invincible.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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