you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
