Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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