turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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