But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
