I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my shit smells like andre
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
