I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
