When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
