He is an equal opportunity slut.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
