I hate your face
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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