nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
