my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
