I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
