my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
