I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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