I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
