did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think i have herpe
just one?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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