I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
