We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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