i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
