God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
