you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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