I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
