Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
