Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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