There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
