The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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