So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize