he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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