sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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