OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
