Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
