his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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