My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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