I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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