dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
