you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Two words: blizzard sex
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
