I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
