my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
